i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
