i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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