I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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