Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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