My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
