remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I lost the right to judge tonight
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
