Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
