i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
