I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
