so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
