So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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