Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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