drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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