You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
