I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
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