Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
