I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
