saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
