She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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