We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
