Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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