we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
