He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
