she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
