Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
