He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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