If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
