Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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