Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
