Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
