Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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