i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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