so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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