Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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