I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
