I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
