billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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