HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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