youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
