Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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