I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
we're so committed to being not committed
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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