I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
