I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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