she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Damn victory sex feels great
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
