I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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