His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
where does the pee come out of this thing
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
