I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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