you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
