don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
