Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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