Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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