talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
