Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
