fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
