I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
