I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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