two words...techno handjob
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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