Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
