There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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