Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
